Developing Your Emotional Intelligence as a Trainer
by Linda Gravett, Ph.D., SPHR

Perhaps you were wondering as you read the title of this article why it should be necessary to develop one’s EI, as a trainer or otherwise.  I believe that the more aware you are of your professional development needs and those of others, the more effective you’ll become in assessing situations and taking appropriate actions in response.  While this can be a challenging process, developing your Emotional Intelligence is possible and can positively affect your life personally and professionally.

Think about your favorite trainer or teacher.  Why does this person come to mind?  He or she must have made a considerable impression on you in order for you to remember them.  Was it because they were highly knowledgeable and were able to transfer some of that knowledge to their students?  Did they leave you with “news you could use” and apply to your daily life?  Did they make you laugh, or make you think?  I’m betting that the reason this person could leave you with this positive impression is in part because of their Emotional Intelligence.

There certainly isn’t one right way to conduct training.  Each trainer has unique characteristics and approaches that may not appeal to all workshop participants, for different reasons.  Your personal style will evolve over time and become yours alone.

If you’re already a trainer with a few years of experience, you probably already have competencies such as active listening, facilitating discussion, and problem solving.  Perhaps there is an area or two where you’d like to expand your skill set; such as time management, follow-up after training, or closure on key concepts.  This is not unusual – many of us are strong in one or two areas and need help in others.  Acceptance is the first step towards positive change, and recognizing that you need assistance or refinement is important.  Indeed, self-awareness is one of the components of Emotional Intelligence.

Former football coach, motivational speaker and author, Lou Holtz, wrote a book titled, Do the Right Thing.  Coach Holtz suggests that one doesn’t have to be the best or the smartest at something in order to manage the assignment well.  A shortfall in technical competence, he believes, can be outweighed by “doing the right thing.”  I believe that a leader in the training field understands this clearly.

In his book, Coach Holtz explains that he was in a position many times to play in big games.  His teams were often not the favorite.  But they won anyway, and the players attributed this to Coach Holtz’s inspiration.  He led by example and motivated the team by letting them know that there were those who didn’t feel they deserved to be playing in their league.  The coach challenged them to get beyond the naysaying and believe in themselves.  This ability to lead and inspire others is a critical component of Emotional Intelligence.

One of the most fundamental issues with training has always been obtaining stakeholders’ buy-in around training objectives.  First and foremost, the trainer needs to believe in the training before participants will even be interested, let alone motivated to join in.  The Emotionally Intelligent trainer is keenly aware of motivation principles, such as the fact that people are motivated differently.  As a trainer, you can develop your awareness of others and inter-personal competencies by asking potential workshop participants in advance what their expectations and challenges are around the training topic.  When people get to talk about themselves and are clear that they’re going to have at least some of their concerns addressed, they’re much more likely to be involved right from the beginning in the training event.  If an abstract with objectives is sent to participants after they’ve been surveyed or interviewed (containing topics of interest to them), it’s highly likely that people will come to the training in a receptive state of mind.

Emotionally Intelligent trainers that I’ve observed strive to build trust between themselves and participants from the moment people enter the training environment.  One way to build trust is to be aware of trainees’ “hot buttons”, such as issues around compensation levels or obstructionist supervisors.  Knowing when to avoid topics and when to include them in discussions is crucial to building trust.  When a pattern emerges where participants insist that a tool or idea offered is not feasible, for example, I will stop and conduct a Force Field Analysis to surface barriers and support mechanisms.  This can start a positive momentum because people are able to “vent” and offer positive ways to implement new ideas, as opposed to sitting in silence thinking that the trainer’s suggestions are theoretically sound but not feasible to implement.

An Emotionally Intelligent trainer is a change agent.  This is probably one of the riskiest aspects of training, and not all trainers want to assume this role.  Perhaps your organization has some poor performers and their managers want to retain them anyway because finding replacements is time consuming.  The managers may believe that the cost of turnover is too high and it’s in the best interests of the organization to attempt to turn around poor performance.  As a trainer, you may be charged with the responsibility of magically turning poor performers into stellar employees.  An Emotionally Intelligent trainer will take steps to assess each individual situation and help the manager determine whether the true problem is a skill deficit, inadequate resources, or something else.  If the true problem is inadequate resources or lack of willingness to do a good job, the trainer may be the one to bravely state this case, in a message tailored to the audience, and suggest other alternatives to training.

A key to increasing Emotional Intelligence is recognizing and naming your own feelings.  Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame are the five core emotions described in the current literature on Emotional Intelligence.  You can learn to name your emotions by becoming accustomed to tuning in to the physical signs that accompany feelings.  For example, I’ve learned that when I clench my fists I’m feeling anxiety.  I became aware of this association by noticing in several pictures taken of me, over time, in different types of situations where I had my fists clenched.  I started to reflect on what was occurring in these pictures and identified instances where I was nervous or anxious, despite the smile I had on my face for the camera.

Ask your friends and family to help you identify your emotional “hot buttons.”  Accept their feedback and look for these indicators in future interactions.  We will sometimes have to receive negative feedback, which is hard for all of us.  Think about the popular television show, American Idol.  Simon Cowell, one of the judges, is known for being rude and obnoxious.  Often what he says is true; he’s just insensitive in his delivery.  Some contestants accept his criticism and even thank him, acknowledging that he’s entitled to his opinion.  They clearly don’t build their life around his comments.

I suggest that you write down those behaviors that allow your emotions to get the best of you and devise a plan to confront them.  For example, perhaps a coworker has left you a rude phone message after work hours.  Instead of responding by phone, plan to confront that person face to face and let him or her know how upsetting the phone call was to you and that you want to resolve the issue immediately.  You may find that the person left the message after hours because he or she was uncomfortable with confrontation.  You can take this opportunity to model positive, win-win disagreement.  Each incident that you handle proactively provides you with experience so you can get past your own discomfort with handling conflict.

I realize that you don’t always have time to practice scenarios in advance.  In real life, there are no dress rehearsals.  However, the more you reflect on and even practice how you’re going to approach people, the easier in-the-moment interactions become.  Project how you will handle aggressive or talkative workshop participants, for example, so you envision how you would respond.

If you have questions or comments on this article, feel free to contact Linda at Linda@gravett.com.  This article is an excerpt from a book that Dr. Gravett co-authored with Dr. Sheri Caldwell, The Emotionally Intelligent Trainer, which will be released in late 2007.